So long, for now.

I loved this blog, I really did. I loved writing down my thoughts and seeing that they were shared with so many people. It was fun.

But something has changed recently. And by recently, I just mean figuratively, because I don't have much of a time-table for you.

Okay, so lets turn back the clocks a bit. Growing up I experienced quite a few scenarios in life that provided me with a nice big bundle that I carried around on my back. Baggage. We all have it, some greater than others, some more extreme, but regardless it is there. Upon coming to college I went through the whole 'I'm on my own and now I can really find out who I am' and blah blah blah phase. I mean, it was great and I'm glad it happened becuase I'm nothing like who I used to be (praise the Lord), but it's just super cheesy to talk about.

So moving on. In this process something that people told me over and over was to face my 'baggage' and admit it so I could move on and grow. It's a lovely concept, it really is. There are things that happen to us in this life that we don't have time to process in the present, and years later it is healthy to think, analyze, realize, and grow. But being the introspective person that I am, I have a tendency to think too much. Like, too much, people. I get lost in my thoughts. Although I obviously talk a lot just like every human has to, I talk significantly less than most. I just think. And it wasn't really a good thing.

You see, the point of addressing your 'baggage' is so that you can grow from it and move on and become more of who you are called to be in Christ. To realize your freedom and identity in Him. To become entrenched in His grace and goodness that saved us from ourselves. But I started thinking... and then didn't stop. I dwelt on it. And I became it.

"Oh well this happened, so that's why I'm like this." or "When this occurred, I realized that I was just always going to be this way."

And so on.

I went through the phase of addressing the issues, but instead of moving on from them, I used them as identifiers.

Your past isn't meant to define who you are today. The lessons you have learned are meant to give you a clear vision of shortcomings and successes so that you can daily strive to bring God glory in the new situations presented to you... every single day.

I thought that analyzing the past was supposed to help me "realize who I was." And so there were many lables that I put on myself.

-Shy
-Quiet
-Compulsive
-Introverted

I used my past as an excuse to limit myself. And this blog was a lovely way of doing it.

I love to wite, I really do. But that's not it. I loved to write because I could express thoughts without actually having to be vulnerable to a persons face and let them into my life. I loved the anonymousity of the computer screen. I loved seeing hundreds of people read these posts without actually having to talk to them. Because I had labled myself as someone who is just better at being anonymous.

But that's just not true. And in the last year or so I've finally grasped that. My experiences and my testimony are not meant to define me, but rather to give me wisdom to make better decisions in the days that I am given. My past is meant to mold me.

I may have always been the one who doesn't like to share my opinions. I may have always been the one who had control issues. I may have always been the one who would rather be alone.

But I don't have to be, just because I used to be.

This year I've taken on multiple leadership roles. I spend my free time with people, learning their hearts and having conversations that actually matter. I've taken the time to let people into my world.  And the Lord has poured more joy into me this last year than at any point in my life. We are a people of community; you can't survive on your own.

Blogging and writing is not a bad thing, but it was for me. Because it was a crutch to which I didn't have to face the world. Being a more quiet and reserved person is not a bad thing. It only is if you use those labels to keep you from having to participate in life.

So that's why it's been months since I've written. I know what God has called me to do and I'm not going to use excuses from my past to hold me back anymore.

It's time to actually get out and live. Because the Gospel of Love can be shared in many different forms, but I know that for me, it needs to be shared through the vulnerablitiy of actually letting people in.

An honest inside look at a real relationship.

I’ve learned that love forces you to see yourself the way you really are; no filters or facades. It forces you to break down your pride and ego little by little, and grow towards maturity and selflessness. It teaches you about willing sacrifice and the value of devotion. It can't always bring you smiles and giggles, but it will surely always bring you good and growth.

Now I say this and some of you are going to think I’m absolutely crazy, but I think most of you will know what I’m referring to when I say that dating for 2+ years, and what will be more, just isn’t that common around these parts. I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard, “Are yall ever gonna get married?” or “You’ve been together forever!” This started after 6 months. I kid you not. Okay, first off, 2 years isn't that long, but moving on... Second, it’s brought about quite a bit of perspective. Long-term relationships teach you some really unique lessons. And while I’ve got a ways to go, here are some things I’ve learned so far and why for those of us who do continue the dating process longer than others, it’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s great. There is nothing wrong with marrying someone you’ve known for 5 months either; no better or worse. Just different.

When my boyfriend and I started dating I suffered from severe New Relationship Smugness. All the couples that said, “Just you wait…” I rolled my eyes at. We were never going to fight, or bicker, or hurt each others feelings. Because we were perfect. In fact, my boyfriend always knew what I wanted and could read my mind. And me? Well I was the perfect girlfriend. I was fun to be around and loving, and did everything right. Duh.

Please tell me you realized that paragraph was written facetiously.

I saw couples that had been together for years and they would be sitting together and not even holding hands?! Their relationship was clearly in disarray. Or those who hung out with their friends all weekend instead of each other? Get your priorities straight.

Okay, seriously, I was stupid as a rock. In part, because it was my first relationship. But a larger part was that I was simply niave, self-centered, and prideful. Hi, welcome to honesty hour.

Over two years later and I can say that with full confidence.

Who you start dating is not who they will be forever, or even for much longer. People change, hobbies change, and most importantly, situations change. We always put our best foot forward when it comes to a new relationship because, well, the purpose is to make them stay around, right? But after awhile you realize that people are simply that… people. Even the best of people have faults. Namely, yourself. Which is what inspired that first paragraph way up there.

I’ve had to say sorry for things I didn’t even realize I did. I’ve learned that sacrifice and genuine communication are irreplacable. Relationships take so much effort; it might as well be another part-time job.

You will hurt each others feelings, because that filter on your mouth becomes a little less censored when your week has run you ragged. You will have to learn to say you’re sorry. And mean it. You will desire to be around other people, and that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Literally thought this at one point- dear goodness I had issues.

No relationship is perfect and everyone will realize that at one point or another because it is inevitable. I think that one of the biggest blessing that can come from dating long-term is that it teaches you that... while you could potentially still walk away. Be careful about that last sentence. What I mean is this- the beauty is that someone realizes you aren't a façade of perfection, has been hurt by the relationship in some form or fashion, and still says, “I’m staying. Simply because I choose to. Choice alone.”

Gosh, I just love that. And I think that’s what love is. It wasn't the butterflies and sleepless nights on the phone. It was the you aren't perfect, and I’m staying by your imperfect self regardless.

Love really is a beautiful parallel to Christ- because He is love. We are dirty sinful people who mess up time and time again, yet He still says, "I will never leave you." Quite frankly, in the us-to-God relationship, we bring little to the table in comparison. He gives and gives, blesses and blesses, and we receive, serve, and praise. What if an Earthly relationship worked like that? Except both people involved had that mentality. Give and give and give some more. Go out of your way to think of ways to bless the other. And when you receive, appreciate and thank. It seems like the simplest of formulas, but surprisingly enough, it's not all that easy some days. Unrealistic expectations and bad attitudes can change everything, which is why it is so important to seek after the Lord and ask that He purify our hearts, especially in a relationship. When we have the incomparable ability to affect someones life, it is crucial that we check our hearts first and foremost.

But the effort is worth it. Loyalty is worth it. And as my boy Marshall says...

'Easy' as in worth it.

Colorado- Labor Day

So I headed up to Colorado a couple weeks ago for a long weekend to see my parents.

(which like 90% of you were vastly aware of, but hey, why not reiterate?)

After all is said and done, I've concluded that this state is the gold medal finalist of America.

Also, during my stay I looked through some old boxes and found all of my old phones! We've come a long way. Unfortunately, yes, that second one does have a mirror on the front which did nothing to help the fact that in high school I went through a minor narcissistic phase... don't act like you didn't too

We also went on a super long, but really beautiful hike Saturday morning. Shout out to DBU; I didn't even get winded after the 2 hour trek north. Which consequently, my glutes enjoyed.

Then headed over to Boulder which I'm very much in love with. That town is so... cultural? There were a ton of street performers, artists and musicians. I just fell head over heels. I'm secretly a hippie, but I keep that on the dl. There was this adorable candy shop and the colors were to die for.

Okay so these pictures kind of suck but it was so bright, and you can't really blame us for being human. But those are my parents; the Caliri gene runs strong. We went to the beach that morning and there were dogs everywhere, running and jumping in the sand and the waves. Makes you wish you had no responsibilities either. 

And then, the most beautiful plane ride back to Texas.

Education. In all its forms.

If I listed out every unique situation that the last two years have thrown at me, I could write for hours. It seems as though I have been put in situations that range every length of the spectrum, from having to sit alone for 40 hours at work, to having to give a presentation in front of a hundred people. There is no limit as to the experiences that college provides.

Here's the catch. With every experience you have, you are unlikely to enjoy every one. This isn't because you have a bad attitude, it's just because we are all wired differently and enjoy certain things, while others make us cringe. But regardless, what we all have in common is that we will have to do a whole lot of both over the course of our life.

All that to say, life is beautiful. At times I felt like I was wasting my time and couldn't help but wonder "what am I doing?" Turns out, I was learning. Just not the way that I thought I was. While taking Finance I got so bogged down in what felt like a waste of my time and the idea that I could be doing something better. Turns out, I was simply learning a greater lesson... I don't want to work in Finance. Think about that. The most simple concept, completely overlooked. With each situation we are dealt, we are given a chance to learn more about ourselves and how our Lord created us. We can say, yep, never doing that again. Or, a passion can be ignited in the deepest part of our soul that spurs us on to dream big and achieve our goals. One or the other will happen, and both are beautiful in their own way.

Alas, the only way to figure these things out, is to participate in life. This is one of my favorite words... participate. For those of you who have read Perks of Being a Wallflower, you will know the reference. For those who haven't, I can't really recommend it {mature content}, but it is chalked full of beautiful writing that digs deep down into your heart with words like this. Participate.

What does that look like? Wake up and take a few minutes to breath and get organized, and put yourself in a good mood. I know it's not always that easy, but a lot of times it is. Smile, count your blessings, say hi to people, help someone carry their books, whatever it takes- be happy. Spend time in prayer and reading the Bible and I promise that the joy of the Lord will overwhelm you. Then, be where you are. Seriously. When you're in class, pay attention. Crazy, right? I can't even believe how many people I see mindlessly playing games during class... you realize you're paying for this, right? The knowledge we're receiving is some of the best in the world; people are literally killing for what we have. When you're with friends, really be with them and learn what's going on in their hearts and lives. When you're in chapel/church, worship and listen to the message. You get the idea. Participate. Learn everything that there is to learn and don't stop. There is more knowledge in the world than we could ever fully know, and it's begging to be picked up, dusted off, and absorbed.

The Lord our God created this Earth and all that is in it. I know I for one don't want to waste a day aimlessly going about routine, bored, and living a life with no passion.

I want to get out there and continue to figure out what I do and don't like. I want to know what I succeed at, and what I fail at. I want to know what brings me joy and what I never want to do again.

So get out there and learn. Learn all that you can. Learn who you were made to be. And then live it.

I'M DONE. I'M DONE. I'M DONE. I'M EXCITED BECAUSE I'M DONE.

You guys, I just officially finished all of my stupid classes needed for my business minor (okay, technically I still have Management and Marketing but thinking about those two don't give me ulcers). And, I kicked their booties, thank you very much. So why I minored in business I'll never really know other than that I learned stuff that's apparently 'good to know' and blah blah blah. I feel so relieved. The rest of my college career is going to be smooooooth sailing and actually enjoyable. Speaking of, I realized that this has a very good chance of being my last year of college. By May I will only have 4 classes left and there's a high probability that I will just go ahead and finish over the summer and graduate in August. Then again, even if I wait to graduate till December, this is still my last full year of college and definitely something worth noting. That being said, let the "this is going by too fast I'm going to soak up every possibility I can" to-do list commence for this next year:

1. Graduate with honors. Maybee & highly doubtful. But hey, a girl can dream.
2. Be 100% involved with AEX. You only get to be a sorority girl once, ya know.
3. Grow the Barnabas Ministry.
4. Workout three times a week. LOL. We'll see.
5. Our 2 Year Anniversary!
6. Turn 21!
7. Actually get out and do stuff (ya lazy hermit).
8. (win) Greek Games 2014.
9. Go to: Colorado, Florida, Massachusetts, and Chicago.
10. Nanny. At least for a little bit.
11. Play intramural sports.
12. Make plans for New Years Eve. Like, real plans.
13. Big/Little bonding time.
14. Know when to say "no".
15. Clean out/update wardrobe. Because I'm about to be a real adult.
16. Try a bunch of new restaurants.
17. Carve a pumpkin. Because I've still never done that.
18. Read through the whole Bible.
19. Get resume ready to send out next summer.
20.Go to Homecoming, Sadies, Bonfire Bash, Big Chief, and Spring Sing.