For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to be better, or to get to that bench-mark event or goal.
It's always about the future.
Always about something else.
Never about right now.
I spend a significant amount of time each day thinking about tomorrow, next week, next year. But then all of a sudden I'm in bed, getting ready for tomorrow. And the cycle repeats. It's rare that I consciously enjoy a day. When those days do come though I cherish them so greatly and am overflowing with joy- a joy that is available to me every day. But I simply walk on past. I've got places to go and things to see, right? And then they arrive and are great for but a few mere hours. And then it's on to the next countdown.
It's not that my life is horrible and I'm just trying to get to a 'better' place, in fact, my life right now is perfect! I am at a school that is beautiful, I'm surrounded by amazing and Godly people, I've already met the love of my life, and I'm only just now turning 20. Yet I live in way that longs to be 25. Why?!
Discontentment is hands-down my biggest struggle. I blame it on my competitive and organized personality. Not only do I try to plan everything out about the future (even though I've learned very well that everything can change in the course of a minute), but I also try to get there faster.
I don't know why I do it, other than that we all struggle with sin and this happens to be mine.
Today we had a chapel speaker who spoke right to me and convicted me to the point of nausea. He said that he spent his entire younger life saying, "When this happens, I'll be happy." But then when those goals were met, they were always replaced by another one. Story of my life. It's always gotta be something with me. He went on to give 5 points to live today in contentment. And you betcho booty I wrote them down as fast as I could.
1. Determine that today I will walk with God.
2. Today I will find joy in simple things.
3. Today I will do something for someone else.
4. Today I will leave all resentments in the past.
5. Today I'll trust God for tomorrow.
WOW. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's nothing I haven't heard before, but it was a lovely reminder. Lately I've been extra planning for the future and the next two years, when I don't even know what next month holds. Crazy. They say that the definition of insane is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Maybe we're all a little insane. Ever since I was in probably 2nd grade I've planned out my life.
But then I moved to Texas. And switched schools. Three times. And the college I wanted to go to never received my SAT scores. And I ended up at DBU. And met the love of my life my first day on campus. And then we had to go long-distance. And now I'm graduating a year early. None of that was planned. But yet, it happened. And things like that will always happen. In two years I will not be where I plan to be. Simply because it's His plan that prevails and no matter what I think is best- He knows what's best.
"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." -Proverbs 19:21
It's important to be wise and acknowledge things that will happen in the future. But planning where we have no control only leads to disappointment. And discontentment.
Be where you are. And be all there. The future will comes regardless if you worry about it or not.
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"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:34
"I've had a lot of worries in my life; most of which never happened." -Mark Twain
"The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time."
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