You know how every year on your birthday someone has to ask you, "Do you feel any older today?!" and then you just sit there staring at them wondering how it is that you could possibly feel older when in all reality the only thing that's happened is that the clock turned 12:01am. Well my birthday was Wednesday, and when I woke up on Thursday I swear beyond all odds... I felt older. I have no idea how to really explain it, but it's pretty awesome. I'm no longer obligated to refer to myself as an adult even though everyone knows that eighTEEN and nineTEEN aren't really all that different from sevenTEEN. But now, I'm twenty. I'm in my twenties. You know, that decade that you're supposed to 'find yourself' and be selfish and do all the things you won't be able to do later? Yeah, that's literally right now. It's happening.
I've never been the worlds biggest fan of the idea that you should spend your twenties being selfish. I don't know, that just seems, well... selfish. But I do have a feeling that I'll be learning more about myself and the woman that the Lord wants me to become because quite frankly, that's an ongoing process and to say that I already know is the funniest form of a lie. I can already imagine how my life will be drastically different from now in just 2 years. Two years ago I was turning 18, on Easter, and about to graduate high school. Little did I know that in three months I'd meet the love of my life, or that I'd fall in love with DBU. I didn't know that when I was 19 that I'd join a sorority, become the secretary, and take up leadership of a ministry on campus. I didn't know that I'd be a Communication Theory major with a minor in Business. I didn't know that my parents would be moving to Colorado. So here I am, 20. And I have some pretty good ideas of what's going to happen in the next two years, but I can't wait to look back and be astonished at everything that the Lord accomplished. I know that my plans are weak and pitiful compared to the glorious ones that are in store for me.
So here I am, beginning a decade of change. Next year I'm graduating college. The year after that... well I won't jinx anything (; But I have no doubt that when I'm turning 30 that I'll be able to look back on this birthday and know that I was indeed correct- the Lord is gonna move. And He's gonna move big time.
I don't want to spend this time pursuing my dreams. I want the Lord to break my need for control. I want Him to say, "Just trust me." And as He leads me step by step, with my facade of control vanishing away, I want to be swept away in the delight that no matter where He leads, I will follow. And even if I can't see but an hour into the future, that He will always have my best interest in mind. His plans are beautiful.
And I pray with the most fervent of passion that anything and everything that becomes of my life is above all a way to sing His praise.
And I'm really, really looking forward to spending a lot more birthdays with this one.
I have the best friends, family, and support system this world could provide and if there's one present I have loved above all else, it's that I don't have to go through this life alone.
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